Americaing Hard
Two Micro-stories For Americas 250th
America the Proud
Yesterday, my wife and our three sweet angelic looking, though often mischievous, little blonde daughters decided to go to the YMCA pool, since it kept raining on and off. We got in and splashed around and a few minutes later a guy came in wearing a very tight, very small speedo. It was more along the lines of a mankini than actual racing gear. At first, I got annoyed. No one finds a bulge attractive, so I don’t know what this guy was trying for. Also, I saw my cherubic little daughters look up at him as he walked past, and I just found it inappropriate at a family pool. That is, until I looked again and saw he was sporting the red white and blue, complete with stars and stripes. My annoyance instantly dissolved. He was Americaing harder than anyone there, and you just can’t be mad at that!
America the Bold
This story pairs nicely thematically with the last, as it too, is about men Americaing hard in their attire. The next day, today, is the 4th, and it’s also America’s 250th Anniversary. WOOO! USA! USA! So, before we went to watch the local firework show, we took the girls to the local fair. It’s a pretty redneck fair with the usual meth carnies running the few sketchy rides, but it’s fun! The town is also redneck, and as the fair is always on the 4th, everyone comes decked out in patriotic attire. And I mean everyone there. This year, though, being the 250th and all, you couldn’t catch anyone not dressed in any colors other than red, white, or blue. I was wearing my Buffalo Bills jersey, which is mostly blue with a little red and white, and I felt a little underdressed. Two guys decided to really go all out for it, though, and bought matching America flag overalls, and wore them around with nothing else on underneath. And I gotta say, these guys won Americaing this year! They went hardest of all the hard-liners I saw today.
Anyway, that’s it for today. Thanks for being here. I hope you enjoyed. Happy 4th of July! Happy 250th! And may God grant 250 years more. God bless America!